Jewish humor

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5759 Year according to Jewish calendar
4696 Year according to Chinese calendar
1063 Total # of years that Jews went without Chinese food.

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Q - What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?
A - "Is ANYTHING all right?"

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Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three days.
"Force yourself," she replied.

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Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

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Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

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Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."

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Short summary of every Jewish Holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
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